10 years ago I was a Junior in high school. My day started like most other school days: I got up around 5:20, made some tea and got dressed and made the brisk walk to my school. I always arrived earlier than I needed to because I like my time alone in the morning to prepare for the day. I sat in the Music hallway floor just before 7am, put my headphones on and pulled out some homework that I still needed to work on. As I worked I got restless and moved myself out to the common area of the school to find a seat to continue working. A TV had been set up for something that was going on earlier in the week and some of the students and teachers that were at school for "Zero period" (the class period that starts before school officially starts) had turned it on to watch the morning shows. I pulled my headphones off so I could hear the news while I worked. A few minutes passed before the news show changed to the National news morning show on that station, nothing out of the ordinary yet.
I remember hearing about a plane crash that caught my attention. What was being described was a horrific accident in NY, so I listened for a moment before returning to my work. I packed up my stuff and headed to my first class, worrying slightly about the people in NY that had been in the plane and in the building hit but wasn't overly concerned. As usual, I was one of the first to my morning class. I remember sitting down and spacing out as my classmates wandered in and found their seats. Our teacher had not yet arrived and the din of morning chatter started to grow. The bell rang and our teacher walked in and wanted us to come out into the common area with her to see the news. We were a little excited to be getting out of class work and followed her down the hallway into the main common area.
As I watched, the crowd grew and my head was spinning with the details, trying to grasp what was happening. I was seeing the plane I heard about earlier and where it crashed into one of the towers, but then I was seeing a second plane crash into it's twin tower next door. The news reporters were speculating an attack while reports of a hijacked plane in Pennsylvania and a crash at the Pentagon poured in. Live shots of NY alternated with shots of Washington DC. Our supervising teachers were trying to keep people calm and telling us to not worry until we knew more details. We watched flames and debris in the towers burst and fall, we watched the black smoke billow from the Pentagon, we watched little dots fall from the towers as if propelled from within... those little dots, I think, were people. We watched the top of the tower fall and the dust and smoke billow around the streets of NY.
Time seemed to stop and then fast forward in short bursts the rest of the day. No one really attended classes and a few of my friends went home early because their parents came to pull them out of school. By the end of my school day (2 hours before most because I had an honors pass and early release) I was more confused and a little scared about what these attacks meant, who was "attacking" us, what was my country going to do.
I went home and immediately turned the television on. I called my mom at work to make sure that none of our family on the East coast had been in NY for any reason that day. I said little prayers for the people affected all while watching replays of the morning's coverage.
For days afterwards I was confused, I think the whole United States was. I didn't understand what was happening or why someone would do this. I watched the heartbreaking pleas on tv of people trying to find their lost loved ones in the hysteria and destruction of the city. I watched people debate terrorism and new wars and military action. Mostly what I felt was sadness and lost. I didn't lose anyone personally, but collectively we lost a lot as a country. It was a shared pain that seemed oddly deep to me. Maybe it was because I felt so confident that I lived in a safe and free nation and that feeling had never been shaken; my resolve had never been tested. It was very unsettling, that feeling of being ambushed and being unprepared.
Ten years later I still sometimes feel that loss and pain. I feel now that some of that was me grieving human lives lost and part of it was me grieving the loss of my feelings of security and strength. As time has passed and more stories of that day are shared, I'm grateful to the folks who tried their hardest to keep this country safe and derail plots against us. I'm grateful to the service people of our country to who searched for the lost and hurt, who cared for the injured and grieving and gave their lives to save others. I'm grateful that I had many chances to help as well and did what I could to aid those in need because it probably helped me more than it helped them. I'm thankful that September 11, though an awful event, brought people together in the end. I can look back and see how we've grown a little closer because of it.
In remembrance of all those who lost their lives and loved ones; I will never forget.
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