My (Not So) Secret Crush

As I sit here trying to recover all of my music from iTunes... don't ask... I'm reminded of how much I rely on music in my daily life and how big a part of me is based upon music. I run and exercise to music and have tried to do both without the trusty iPod and usually give up a few minutes into it. I listen to music on the way to and from work. I listen to music at work. I listen to music when I get home from work and when I tan outside or clean the house or read a book. If I am introduced to you and I like you, I will make you a cd or two (or a collection) as a get-to-know me gesture and to see how well we mesh musically (because we cannot be friends if you have certain musical tendencies- I will not get into that now).

I am constantly amazed by certain musical artists that convey situations perfectly with their music and lyrics. I think it is a truly amazing gift if you can make other people feel what you feel through music.

If one were to meet me randomly and have a friendly conversation, I don't think one would get that music dweeb vibe at all. In fact, a lot of people that I meet tell me that once they get to know me better they are shocked at my wide range of musical appreciation and enthusiasm towards music in general.

Back to the real point.

I have a not-so secret crush on one (or many) musician(s). Not a shocker. I cycle through my likings... sometimes I'll come back to liking them, and sometimes I just move on because my tastes have refined as I get older (insert sarcastic comment here).



Sometimes I like the same one and never stop.



This is my longest standing one:That's right. Billy Corgan.


It doesn't make any logical sense. Have I ever been attracted in real life to a bald guy with a strange voice who has been known to wear costumes? Definitively no.

I do, however, have a long standing love affair with the Smashing Pumpkins because they made me excited about different music. And have you listened to the lyrics? Oh man. I know it's not for everyone and I don't judge too harshly for those of you who do not have any SP in their musical libraries, but I cannot get enough.

So as I monitor the progress of my recovery software I'm very thankful that I didn't lose it all forever, and especially grateful that I still have my complete library of Smashing Pumpkins, Zwan and Billy Corgan to get me through it.

My Drunken, Unruly Sibling

... also known as the cat, Elliott. We came to this conclusion this morning.





Let me explain.





He sleeps all day, goes out all night, eats strange things and visits the crazy old lady down the street who I'm convinced is his catnip dealer, then wanders home early in the morning, pukes on the porch and passes out on my bed as I leave for work.



What else would you call that?

On another note, my actual sibling is in Ireland vacationing before school. I talked to her last night (it was 6am her time). She is not drunken, unruly and ridiculous... mostly. She did get her camera stolen and is having to spend an unthinkable amount of money each day on bottled water, but other than that is doing fine (did you know they don't really serve water most places there with your meals? Just beer. She's not really a beer drinker). I do miss her.

Media News (AKA, Things I'm Doing, Listening To, Seeing, and Passing on to You)

A few items for you today:


1. Muse has not listed any tour dates on the West Coast of the US for their upcoming tour. I'm beside myself. All I want to do is see Muse. That's it. This is my top focus right now. They've got dates listed through December 4th of this year, but that's it and most of them in Europe (Georgia, Virginia and Texas dates to not count). I'm hoping they are planning a full blown US tour with a stop or two (or three) in the Northwest. If not, I will be buying a plane ticket to France. I'm just saying.


2. Weezer has a new album coming out soon.

That's right.

They didn't take their customary 5 year break between records. Maybe because only a few songs on the Red Album were listenable and they felt bad. But I don't have much hope because the title of the new album is...

"Raditude"

Oh Weezer. How I love thee... but you must realize by now that you are torturing your old school fans. I've listened to the single that was realeased yesterday from this album; not half bad. I'm going to be wary until I can listen to the whole thing. Sorry. It's not you... but it kind of is.


3. I've started playing my guitar again.

Oh, you didn't know that I played the guitar? Well, I use "play" loosely. Basically I'm starting over and reteaching myself guitar and hopefully getting futher than I did a few years back. Why? Because I need creative outlets and I wanna sing in a band, darn it! And why shouldn't I? But I've got to get myself into some kind of musical shape before I put myself out there.

I've gotten a pretty good start: 1 accoustic guitar, 1 accoustic amp, 1 capo, 1 tambourine, 1 harmonica, emotional baggage and a love of music.


4. Saw 500 Days of Summer the other day. It was great. It was a little too close to my situation, but I think I am getting far enough removed from it now that I can appreciate a film resembling parts of my life. Anyway, good soundtrack, great dance number (that's right) and Joseph Gordon Levitt is way cuter than I remember him being. Odd. I will probably always associate him with Third Rock from the Sun, but oh well. Go see it. You will like it.


5. Rented Gravity the other day. It's just some movie I ran across at the rental place. I must be on some kind of Zooey Deschanel kick lately because she is in it. So is the older brother from Little Miss Sunshine, Paul Dano. It was HILARIOUS, but also sweet and sad and awkward. Good movie to watch when you've got nothing to do and just want to veg on the couch.

I Guess You're Just What I Needed

Some days I have tough days where I don't want to do anything or see anyone or eat or function. I had one of those days yesterday. I just felt so broken.

Miraculously, friends called or e-mailed or texted out of the blue. Some had no idea I was feeling that way at all and just called to say they missed me and whatnot. It was nice. It was just what I needed.

By the time I went to bed last night I felt 200 times better. I'm thankful for friends and family who know what I need, especially when I don't. I need them and am glad they stick around and need me, too.

Inside Jokes

... are not like inside voices.

The thing is, inside jokes are the best when you are "on the inside". And sometimes I am.

This past weekend I went to a Pow Wow on the Oregon Coast. It was a blast. I've got tons of great pictures of the dancers in full regalia and Grand Entry. Those will have to wait.


The best part of the weekend was the Pow Wow Comedy Jam.


..That's right. Native American stand-up comedians. (Bet you didn't think we made jokes. We do, just not in front of you...)


And the best part about it was they were chock full of inside jokes. Not only was I laughing until I cried, but I looked down the rows of folks attending this event and noticed that about half of them were hysterical with laughter (all of whom happened to be some semblance of native) and the other half had wide-eyed looks of confusion. Some people were good-natured enough to admit they had no clue what was going on and just sat there waiting for the next round of jokes. Others tried to play it off as if they, too, knew why everyone else was rolling in the aisles- but clearly they didn't.

I felt a little bad for those on the outside- finding themselves in mixed company and wondering what was ok to laugh at and trying to decipher what other jokes were even about.

I guess life is like that. Sometimes you are on the inside of the joke and sometimes you are on the outside wondering what to do. I'm glad that, at least this weekend, I was on the inside.


... I'll post Pow Wow pics later for your enjoyment.

** SEE POST BELOW FOR UPDATED PICTURES**

Pow Wow

This past weekend my mom and I went to Siletz for a Pow Wow.

The elders at Grand Entry.

I mostly took pictures of the little kid dancers. They were ADORABLE! I wanted to take some of them home.

I have about a billion pictures, but maybe later I'll just post a link to my online album for your perusal, because I don't have the patience to load them all now.

When I Sleep, I'm Usually Dreaming...

I've been having some strange dreams the past couple of weeks. It's so odd. Sometimes I wake up euphoric and grateful for life; other times I wake up angry and hurt; mostly I wake up utterly confused.

The dream I had last night left me completely puzzled when I woke up.

I had to join the military. I'm not sure why... but it was not an option in my dream to NOT join. I was in this clinic getting a physical from some military doctors and then they told me that I would have to undergo a detox program before basic training.

They handed all of the ladies and myself being examined a big glass of milky liquid and told us to drink it and put on these hospital gowns. I didn't want to drink it and asked to go to the bathroom first. I changed into the flimsy gown in the bathroom and drank some water. I then made my way back down to the large room where I had been examined before. All the other ladies had already changed into their gowns and taken the liquid. They were all lying down on cots and nurses were attending to them. I grabbed my cup of liquid and tried to down it quickly. It was bitter and disgusting and had some floating chunks of stuff in it. (I can still remember that taste, even though I've never actually tasted anythink like it. YUCK!).

After I had finished, I found a cot and sat on it. The lady told me that we had just taken a powerful laxative and that I should rest for a while because I wouldn't be able to rest after that.

Then I woke up (thankfully).

That's right. I dreamt that I had to join the military and that the military gave me laxatives.


WHAT?


So I looked it up. Apparently if you dream about taking laxatives, you are holding on to some emotional stuff and you need to let go... go figure.

And if you dream about the military it means you have repressed emotions. Again, go figure.


I also had a crazy dream about my hair. I just remember standing in front of a full length mirror and running my fingers through my hair. My hair was MUCH longer in the dream... about to my hips. It was also sort of wavy and silky. I was just looking at my hair and thinking about how long and beautiful it was.

Ok, I don't really dwell on my hair much. Some days it does what I want it to do and others I don't even try because I have better things to do. I woke up thinking how vain and random it was. Nothing else happened in the dream at all.

I looked it up (you know me!). According to my sources, dreaming about long hair means that I am thinking long and carefully about a decision or concentrating on a plan or situation.

Weird.

I've always been interested in dreams and what they mean. I believe in the connection between dreams and the subconcious processes of our minds. It may seem weird, but I think you can really learn a ton about yourself from your dreams. At least, I'm trying to do this.

Thank You, Universe

I have good friends.

No.

I have GREAT friends. They make me leave my house when I don't want to and see movies and eat food and go sailing. If it weren't for them, who knows where I'd be- (not eating, not leaving my house, and NOT sailing and getting a tan).

Sometimes things in life happen and your entire universe is not only thrown out of balance, but ripped apart and sent into a million different directions. A lot has happened in my life, but I've always been fairly flexible and so I've moved on easily. This most recent change (or set of changes) was not something that I wanted to deal with and so when I had to it was all pretty painful and difficult. I thought I was going to die (I know, you can't die from change, but you should have tried to tell me that last week and I would have swore you were wrong).

And then I got out of it all. I'm not 100% feeling great about everything in life, but I am dealing with what I've got. I wouldn't be able to do any of it without some great people.

So thank you, God, for good friends and family who can think for me when I can't; who can keep me put together when all I want to do is fall apart; who remind me how to be a good friend, too.

I know one day I'll look back and be glad for everything that has happened. That may not be for a while, but at least I can see that day coming.