Community Rules

Dear Coworkers... but specifically one of you,


We are very lucky to have an awesome beverage machine in our kitchen/breakroom which makes all sorts of fancy drinks for our pleasure at no cost to us.  Isn't that nice?  Yes, until one of you breaks it and leaves messes and runs away before cleaning it up without leaving a note that the machine is now broken.

Now, the first time it happened, two weeks ago, I wasn't that upset because I figured it could be that someone was having a very bad day and knocked over the beverage machine and broke it and spilled used coffee grounds all around.  It's happened to everyone at some point.  But then, two days later, it was the SAME SITUATION... so I shrugged it off and figured maybe someone else had a bad day and the same thing happened to them.

But now, ever few days, just when I think people have learned to fix what they've broken and to clean up what they've messed up, I realize that the same ass of a person must be doing this.  It's the SAME MESS every time and it's always the same part of the beverage machine that's messed up.

I've tried figuring out how you are doing this and I cannot.  I don't see how you can put your fancy beverage cartridge in the wrong way- because they designed it so that even kindergarteners could put the cartridge in the proper way... it only fits one way.  I don't see how you keep breaking off the little plastic lever that holds the cartridge in.  And I don't see how you are getting FREAKIN COFFEE GROUNDS all over the kitchen when the coffee grounds are CONTAINED IN AFOREMENTIONED CARTRIDGE.  You see, the whole reason they invented those cartridges is so that you don't spill your beverage makings all over the place like you probably normally do every day at home.  They CONTAINED them for easy use and clean up. 

I just want to go to the kitchen and make my fancy sugar free hot chocolate/cider/chai tea.  I don't want to have to clean up after your assinine ways before I can make my beverage.  I am not your mother.  No one else in the office is your mother.  No one here is a janitor.  We are all adults.  I don't want to have to take out the little plastic lever and face it the right way every time I want to put my drink cartridge in the machine.  I do not think this is awesome or funny.  Mostly I think you should never leave your house again.

I will henceforth be prowling around the kitchen at work... lingering to see who the culprit is.  And once you've made your mess and start to make your getaway I fully intend to tackle your face and rub it in the coffee grounds you've so carelessly left for the rest of us to clean up.


Warmest Regards,
H