On Babies and Birth

It seems like 99% of the people we know are currently pregnant or have just had a baby.  I'm not even exaggerating, you guys.  I think BF and I are the only childless ones in our circles at work and in our personal lives (and we are completely fine with that for the time being, but yet, we are planning to have kids eventually, thanks for asking).  Other than the CONSTANT baby topics in our everyday conversations with these folks is also the talk of delivery  and child birth care.  Despite not having had children myself yet I have extremely strong feelings and opinions about how I will care for my body and my child through my pregnancy and through the delivery itself (and beyond, of course).


I bring this up because I am becoming increasingly frustrated with the people around me and their seeming lack of respect for other people's choices.  To each his own, of course, but when talking about your own child birthing experience, STOP TRYING TO TELL ME HOW I SHOULD DO IT.  


One may look at me and assume that I am the "norm" of women my age and that I probably fall into a lot of the same schools of thought that other women in their late 20's do.  In some areas this is completely true and in others it could not be further from the truth.  I don't think anyone (that doesn't know me very well) would assume that I try not to take medications unless I absolutely need them and that I try to avoid harmful chemical additives and use  more natural or alternative products because I don't go around shoving what I do in their face.  I do what I do for my own benefit and peace of mind and if others agree with it, then great and if they don't, well that's their choice.  


On this same topic, I feel like I do not fall into the societal norm category for child birth "planning".  My plan, when I eventually get there, is to try to have the best birthing experience possible by not giving birth in a hospital, by not having an epidural or pitocin, and by finding a midwife or practitioner that I trust to help me design a birth plan and follow it as best as possible for my health and safety and for the health and safety of my child.  It is my opinion that a woman's body was designed specifically for giving birth and that interfering by adding pain killers and medications is very risky and will detract from the overall birthing experience.  I am NOT saying that I look down on or judge women that choose to have an epidural or any medications, or give birth in the hospital etc.  There are sometimes circumstances that call for medical intervention and that will also be built into my plan in case things do not go as planned (which I am fully aware that they may not).  What I AM saying is that I do not need to be told that I "should get the epidural right away!" when I give birth or other little advice "gems" along those same lines.  It is also interesting that after that little nugget of advice was pushed at me the person then proceeded in the same breath to tell everyone that giving birth still really hurt even with the epidural and that it probably didn't make much difference.


At the time I held my tongue, but what I really wanted to say was, "Maybe you felt pain because your doctor had you in a seated half-reclining position in which was not conducive to giving birth.  Of course it hurt, you were pushing while your body was in a position that didn't allow for your pelvic bones to move out of the way! Also, maybe it hurt because you expected it to hurt?! Hmm".  But I did not.  Next time I will.  


Again, we all have our own opinions and feelings about what we should and want to do but they are OUR opinions and feelings and we need to respect that other people may (and most of the time, do) have differing opinions and feelings, and that's ok.  We should not be going around telling people what they should do, and instead listen to their experiences and let their learnings shape our plans for ourselves... however that may look.




Thanks for letting me rant today.