Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Things I Should Have the Authority To Do

1.  Make Traffic Stops- like when the lady in front of me is clearly texting and not paying attention and keeps swerving all over and then slamming on her brakes.  


2.  Take aways people's drivers licenses and cell phones when I make traffic stops.


3.  Give adults "time out" when they start acting irrationally.


4.  Sanction "Nap Time" at work from 1pm-2pm each work day.  PAID nap time.


5.  Fine people for passing their work off on other people... let's say your first offense is $100, your second is $250 and your third is a $500 fine and 1 week doing your job and everyone else's job as punishment.


6.  Sanction "National Zombie and Zombie Apocalypse Awareness Day" so people can prepare for when this isn't just a strange incident- Actual CBS News Article


7.  Take Your Kids Away- like when you are sitting in your front yard reading a book and not paying attention to your TODDLERS playing IN THE STREET where the garbage truck is trying to get by.  Good parenting.


8.  Tow Your Car- like when "someone's" neighbor has plenty of room in their own damned driveway and in front of their own damn house but insists on parking in front of MY HOUSE every time that spot is open, Asshat!  I have a 1 car driveway and we have 2 cars so one of them MUST be on the street and I prefer to park in front of my own house and not down the block in front of someone else's house and take their spot.  Weird that I only want to take up my own space... hmmm.



 

No comments: