And Then My Head Exploded!!!

You guys... I am SO EMOTIONAL and AGRESSIVE this week.  What is up?  I feel like I'm on the 'roids or something (I'm not, don't worry).  It's insane.

BF says that this means I'm doing the diet and exercise thing correctly.  It's "80% mental right now", he says, so here's to my mental fortitude and hoping that it lasts until March. 

Yesterday seemed to be the height of my craziness.  Everything pissed me of and I felt all worn out and cruddy and I had virtually no energy for anything other than sitting and staring off into space.  It was also a very odd day because there were a few medical emergencies at work (none of which had anything to do with me) so the mood was just off and somber.  I didn't get a lot of anything useful done and then I went home and crashed on the couch for like an hour and a half.  I woke up to BF making dinner, which strangely upset me a little because dinner is my  job, darn it!  But I caught myself being stupid and upset before I said anything to BF so that was good.

After dinner we went to the gym and something horrendous was happening.  The women's locker room had flooded.  I am assuming it was because they had replaced some of the facets on the sinks and something must have gone wrong- I assume this because we have had 2 broken faucets for the past couple weeks in there.  Anyhow, so they had a big sign as you walk in the gym saying , "Caution, Women's Locker Room is Flooded".  They weren't joking.  Every inch of the floor was soaking wet so I went into the bathroom part to change instead of the carpeted area with the lockers.  Also, there were GUYS in the ladies locker room!  They couldn't find a lady that could run a shop vac and suck up the water?  COME ON!  So even if I wanted to change in the regular area, I couldn't.  It was pretty dang uncomfortable. 

Also, I felt like people were looking at me strangely while I was working out.  I was probably being paranoid.  But then there is a middle aged lady at the gym that sometimes "follows" me when I work out and will blatantly wait to use machines right after I use them.  One day I was running on the treadmill and she came upstairs and got on the treadmill RIGHT NEXT TO ME, even though there were only 2 other occupied treadmills with plenty of open machines all over.  During my interval run I noticed that she kept looking over to my machine and then changing hers depending on why mine was doing.  It was super annoying.  Anyway, that lady was there last night so I felt like I was hiding from her going all over to different parts of the gym so she wouldn't see me and follow me again. 

Here's where you realize that I am crazy.  Go ahead, I already know this.

So to deal with my crazy feelings of agitation and hatred I decided that I would try to wear myself out while doing cardio so that I would be too tired to be mad anymore.  And that's when my body told me that it was too tired to go as fast and I know I can go.  My legs just wouldn't move the way I wanted them to!  Which, of course made me even more upset.  I tried talking myself out of being so upset, thinking things like, "You don't hate other people, you are just tired and hungry".  When we went home I was completely exhausted and felt sick.  We went to bed after watching I Used to Be Fat (which is a great show) and I was so upset about being upset and tired. 

BF did a pretty good job of trying to make me feel better.  He just let me talk about how I was feeling and he listened. He also knows how I feel because of his body building stuff. 

Today I feel better, but I'm still super tired.  I wanted to take a sick day and just stay home, but I have to get a few things done at work so I didn't. 

On a side note, I'm awesome and found some workout DVD's that I want at FYE that were USED so I am sticking to my "Nothing New" strategy pretty well!  Only new stuff so far this year are dog things (because they were necessary since we previously didn't have any dog stuff) and freebies I got from work which I didn't have to purchase, so no money was spent.

I'm worried about how long my clothes are going to make it.  I'm wearing pants that were tight a few weeks ago that now no longer stay up without a belt.  I haven't weighed myself this week, but BF says I'm noticeably smaller. 

Here's to being happy and stable!